


remus is hot no offense

by Junebug19



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:29:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27532294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junebug19/pseuds/Junebug19
Summary: This entire one-shot is dedicated to the fact that I just KNOW Remus is hot. Like really. Also Sirius is a jealous fool. 6th year, quidditch game after-party. Enjoy:)(note: I wrote this whole thing with Blood in the Cut by K. Flay playing on repeat if you want the vibes)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 113





	remus is hot no offense

Sirius Black cursed quietly as he glanced at the clock hanging above the desk in Slughorn’s office. From his spot on the floor, crouched between two towering shelves of potions ingredients, he could just barely make out the big hand.

_Fifteen minutes left. Damn._

A crick was beginning to form in his neck from being folded over like a pretzel for so long, and his mood was rapidly declining. Though, he supposed that this detention was his fault.

Double potions first thing in the morning had just sounded so awful, and his bed had been so comfortable.

 _But still_ , Sirius thought. _This is so unfair._

Not only detention, but the fact that he was currently missing the first quidditch match of the year.

It was just his luck.

He’d been training for weeks, under James’s newly-appointed captainship. All for nothing, he supposed. James had given him enough shit that he thought detention, on top of that proper scolding, was downright unethical.

From the dungeons, Sirius could only tell that it had grown dark through the small window in the top corner of the far wall. He wished that he had chosen to skip McGonagall’s class instead. At least her office had a view of the quidditch pitch.

The game had to be over by now, but he was itching to know who had won. Likely Gryffindor, as half of Hufflepuff’s team had graduated last year and they’d had to train all new players.

Still, Sirius wished he had been there. Dennis Shockley, the stand-in beater, probably did a fine job in his place. But winning was always more fun when he was actually _playing_.

“Mr. Black?” Slughorn called from somewhere on the other side of the shelf, interrupting his thoughts.

“Professor?”

Slughorn rounded the corner, looking slightly frazzled.

“Flitwick’s just sent an owl. There’s been an accident in Ravenclaw tower and apparently I’m needed. You’re free to go.”

With that, he rushed out of the room.

Sirius stood slowly, groaning at the pain in his knees. Despite his stiff limbs, he exited the office with renewed energy. The halls were mostly empty, but as he passed by the kitchens, he spotted a few Hufflepuffs walking the opposite direction, looking particularly disappointed.

Sirius grinned, thinking of the party that would likely greet him in Gryffindor tower.

Suddenly, laughter erupted at the end of the hall and Sirius turned his head just in time to see a pale figure approaching. It floated right through Sirius, leaving him sputtering and cold. He flashed a rude hand gesture in the ghost’s general direction.

“Evening, great master Black,” he said with a mocking bow. Sirius rolled his eyes, refusing to slow his pace as the poltergeist bobbed along beside him.

“Evening, Peeves.”

Sirius thought that he must have been the only person at Hogwarts, maybe the only student ever, to have befriended Peeves. Their shared knack for mischief had created a sense of mutual respect, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that Peeves was still a nuisance.

Especially when he had a party to get to.

“Ran into ickle Reggie. He was not very happy. No, no he was not,” Peeves said lightly, as though they were discussing a particularly interesting business matter.

“Aye, old Peevsie. You didn’t give him too hard a time, did you?”

Peeves darted up towards the ceiling, cackling gleefully.

“Just tried to help him grow. You need to water small things. Like plants. And Reggie. Gave him squishy shoes.” The poltergeist began making loud squelching noises, soaring away as Sirius entered the Grand Staircase. He took the steps two at a time towards Gryffindor tower, antsy after hours of organizing bottles and jars.

The Fat Lady was not alone when he arrived at the portrait hole, accompanied by a man with long, spindly fingers. He was playing an odd sort of instrument and she was clapping along, piles of curls bobbing on the top of her head. Sirius had to announce himself a few times before she finally noticed him, mumbling an apology.

“ _Knuckleberries_ ,” he said, annoyed.

But his irritation dissipated as soon as the portrait swung open, revealing the loud rumble of voices and music. When Sirius stepped into the common room, he was greeted by a few Gryffindor fifth years, asking him where he’d been. He mumbled something about detention before wandering farther into the room, eyes searching for those three familiar faces.

The whole place was decorated in red and gold streamers, magically pinned to droop down from the ceiling. Someone had outdone themselves.

Probably Pete.

He spotted James in a far corner talking to Lily, who looked faintly amused and a bit red-faced. He was still in his quidditch robes, tossing that snitch that he’d nicked during first year from hand to hand. Sirius noted the distance they were standing from one another, lost in conversation.

The _lack_ of distance, really.

Good for them.

A moment later, he spotted Remus standing by the fireplace.

He’d shed his wool jumper in favor of the thin, white button down he wore underneath. The top few buttons were undone, exposing a strip of pale skin and the gold necklace that he always wore, which Sirius was still too nervous to ask about. His cheeks were flushed from the heat of the common room and he was smiling at the girl talking to him, a cigarette balanced precariously between his fingers.

He was also clearly drunk. His gaze seemed a bit unfocused and he gestured animatedly whenever he spoke, but the girl was absorbing every second of it. Sirius didn’t know her, but she was a Ravenclaw in their year, and named something like Jane or Emma. She was also flushed, laughing airily at whatever Remus was saying. Something tightened in his chest, though he wasn’t sure why.

He was sure she found him devastatingly beautiful.

Remus kept talking, his eyes bright and crinkled at the corners. This was Sirius’s favorite version of Remus-- the one who wasn’t worried that anyone was looking at him funny, or pulling at his clothes to hide his scars. He was entirely himself.

It took tremendous effort for Sirius to tear his eyes away and walk over to the drinks table, where Marlene was waiting for him with a glass of firewhisky. He accepted it with a word of thanks.

“Where have you been?” she said, and Sirius stiffened a little at the hurt in her words.

“Sorry,” he shrugged. “I had detention.”

“Another one?” she asked.

He picked at a thread in his black jeans, feeling guilty. He was supposed to meet her after the game and had forgotten to tell her. Sirius promised himself he’d make it up to her. Maybe a nice dinner next Hogsmeade weekend. Something she’d like.

“Yeah, I bunked off Potions last week. Slughorn found out,” he said, frowning apologetically.

“Of course you did.” She rolled her eyes, but he could tell she wasn’t upset anymore.

Somehow, this made him feel even worse. Marlene was quick to ignite, but she always forgave him. No matter what. He wasn’t sure he always deserved it.

Sirius’s gaze wandered again, landing on a head of loose, tawny curls. Remus was still standing by the fire, talking to that girl. He towered over her, leaning casually against the mantlepiece.

Marlene put a hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention away. He blinked at her, and she squeezed his arm lightly.

“Go say hello. I’ll be here,” she said as she sat down in an armchair and waved him away.

Sirius bent down to plant a kiss on the top of her head.

“You’re the best. I’ll be right back.”

He weaved his way through the crowd of people, some of whom were dancing to the Fleetwood Mac song playing over magical speakers. Others stood in small groups, sipping on drinks. Most of them were at least fifth years, since Lily believed monitoring their quidditch celebrations to be another one of her prefect duties.

 _Rightly so_ , he thought, remembering the way they’d always been kicked to their rooms when the older kids had wanted to host a party.

Sirius finally broke through the crowd, nearly tripping over someone’s rucksack as he headed towards the fireplace.

Remus looked up as he approached, smiling.

“Hey, Pads,” he greeted Sirius. “You know Wendy, right?” He gestured to the short, golden haired girl standing next to him.

Sirius shook his head. “Oh-- no. I don’t think we’ve met.”

“See,” she laughed, hitting Remus playfully on the arm. “I told you he wouldn’t remember me.”

Sirius blinked at them, confused.

“She was in Astronomy with us last year,” Remus explained. “And she didn’t think you’d paid enough attention to notice her. I told her she was being silly, but apparently I was wrong,” he raised his eyebrows, but he was clearly having a hard time hiding his smile.

Sirius didn’t know what to make of the situation. Something about Wendy put him off. She seemed friendly enough. Pretty, even, with a heart-shaped face and long eyelashes.

Not as long as Remus’s, though. _His_ brushed his cheeks when he blinked, as dark as ink. They were likely soft, too, like a raven’s feathers against his fingertips.

For a moment, Sirius wondered if it was odd that he knew the exact length of the other boy’s eyelashes.

 _Of course not_ , he reassured himself. _We practically grew up together._

They knew all sorts of things about each other. Like that Remus never took sugar in his tea, or that he slept with his hands tucked under his pillow.

“Remus was just telling me about the fort you lads made in your dorm,” Wendy chimed in, glancing between the two of them.

“Was he?” Sirius quirked an eyebrow. “That’s breaking conduct, Moony. Dorm forts are private matters,” he joked.

Wendy giggled and Remus gasped with mock seriousness.

“Merlin’s beard! I must be in such trouble. Have you met with the committee?”

Sirius nodded, gravely.

“We’ll have to excommunicate you.”

“From what?” Wendy asked.

“Our secret society, of course,” Remus replied. “Though we’re not a church, so excommunicate probably wasn’t the right word. Expelled would have been better.

Dismissed, maybe. Given the boot.”

Wendy laughed, a bit too loudly. Sirius rolled his eyes at the other boy.

“What do you think, Wendy? Should he grant my amnesty?”

She looked between the two of them, happy to be included.

“Hmm. Maybe. I’m sure Mr. Lupin can be merciful,” she said, putting a hand on his arm. Sirius expected her to drop it, but it stayed there, perfectly painted nails and all.

They all stood in silence for a moment.

Then, it was almost imperceptible, but Sirius noticed Remus move away from her, just slightly. She dropped her hand. They stood in silence for another awkward moment before she cleared her throat.

“I’m-- er--I’m going to get another drink.”

They both nodded and she scurried away, looking disappointed.

“Sorry I scared her off,” Sirius said, taking a sip of his firewhisky. It burned his throat on the way down.

“What? Oh, Wendy? No, I reckon I’ve just bored her. We were talking about the Giant Wars, before.”

Sirius snorted. “Only you would think that the Giant Wars make for good drunk conversation.”

“Speaking of--” Remus said, floating a glass over from the drink table. Wendy had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit by it, and she turned a bit pink. Sirius wondered, briefly, if Remus was really oblivious to the fact that Wendy had clearly been flirting with him. The way he was acting, he’d assume not. But Sirius knew never to assume anything when it came to Remus Lupin.

When the glass finally reached his hand, he flopped down into one of the couches by the fire.

“How was the game?” Sirius asked, sitting down next to him, though with a bit more coordination.

“It was good,” Remus said, taking a sip of his witch’s brew. “Absolutely obliterated Huffelpuff, though I’m not surprised with all of that extra training Prongs has been putting them through. Oh, and Dorcas asked out Ted Abbott.”

 _“What_?” Sirius choked on his drink.

“Yeah, she made a whole deal out of it. Flowers and everything. He said yes, of course.”

“Oh, well good for her.”

They were silent for a moment and Remus had just closed his eyes sleepily when Sirius said, “I thought Dorcas liked you.”

“ _Me_?” his eyes shot open. “Why would you think that?”

Sirius shifted in his seat. Maybe Remus really was oblivious.

“She flirts with you all the time, mate.”

Remus took a long sip of his drink, then sat in pensive silence for a moment before he snorted, shaking his head.

“What’s so funny?” Sirius was really looking at him now, still unable to read his expression.

“Doesn’t mean she likes me. It’s just weird is all,” he said.

“It’s not weird. Loads of girls like you. You just never act like you’re interested.”

Remus turned to look him in the eye.

“Because I’m not.”

Something twisted in the pit of his stomach, but Sirius never got a chance to ask what he meant because James came barreling over, Lily in tow.

“Padfoot! Moony! Have you two seen Pete?”

“Yeah,” Remus spoke up. “He left with Leanne almost an hour ago. They’re probably locked in a broom cupboard somewhere.”

“Oh!” Lily’s face lit up. “Finally! She’s been talking about him for weeks!”

“ _We_ should find a broom cupboard,” James said, stumbling slightly.

“Shove off.” She reached out to smack him on the side of the head, but he ducked just in time and she caught only air.

Even plastered, he still had reflexes like a cat.

Lily huffed and James cackled, taking off in the other direction. She rolled her eyes and followed, obviously exasperated by the amount of energy that he had, even at the late hour.

Sometimes, Sirius could match that energy, stride for stride. But now, he was really contemplating just going to bed. He wasn’t in the mood for interaction anymore.

However, Marlene and Dorcas appeared in front of them, taking Lily and James’s place.

“Hi boys!” Dorcas said, cheerfully. “Great game, wasn’t it?”

“This one wouldn’t know,” Marlene said, smirking. “He had detention.”

Sirius leaned back against the couch, putting on his best nonchalant smile.

“You know me.”

They laughed, standing a bit awkwardly in the middle of the rug.

“Oh, here,” Remus said, getting up from the couch. Marlene waved him off, gesturing for him to sit back down.

“Don’t be silly,” she said.

“No, have a seat. I’m getting another drink.”

“Thanks, Remus,” she smiled.

With that, he left, leaving Sirius with the two girls. Dorcas took the armchair by the fire and Marlene sat down next to him, launching into a detailed description of the game.

He settled in, happy to listen.

A few hours later the party was finally dying down. Most of the non-Gryffindor students had left, including Wendy, only a few stragglers still huddled in small groups.

Sirius lay sprawled on one of the bigger couches, Marlene curled into his side, half awake. He felt himself beginning to drift off, too, when there was a loud crash from behind them.

Marlene shrieked, and Sirius whirled around.

Remus lay face down on the ground, the stack of dirty glasses scattered around him.

“Bloody hell, Remus,” Sirius groaned.

Marlene, her eyes still drooping, looked up at him worriedly.

“I’ve got it,” he said, reaching out a hand to help her up. “You go up to bed.”

She looked immensely relieved.

“Thanks. See you tomorrow?”

He nodded, watching her trudge towards the stairs to the girls’ dorms.

“Moony?” he said as he rounded the couch to the boy still on the floor, pushing himself up into a sitting position with an impressive amount of incoordination.

“Hi, Pads,” his grin was immaculate.

Sirius reached down to help him up, grabbing him by the elbows to keep him from toppling over. He stood, arms slack at his sides, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Blimey, who let you get this drunk?” Sirius asked, daring to let go of the other boy. He wobbled a bit, but managed to stay upright.

“No one _let_ me do anything,” Remus said. “Why aren’t you drunk?”

“I am.” Sirius looked around, just to be sure.

Yup. The room was definitely a bit fuzzy.

Remus chuckled, “Oh! Brilliant. Why are you so normal, then?”

“Because I didn’t decide to get pissed out of my mind,” Sirius gave him a pointed look that he didn’t seem to notice.

In the dying light of the fire, Remus’s eyes looked extra bright and the scar across the bridge of his nose was thrown into stark relief. He rubbed at his eyes, tiredly, and Sirius took him gently by the arm.

“It’s late. Let’s go up to bed.”

Remus protested briefly, but he was in no state to argue. Sirius ended up practically dragging him up the stairs. It seemed the other boy had forgotten how to lift his feet high enough to make it onto each step, so they had to go slow.

When they made it to the dorm, James and Peter were already in bed asleep.

After dropping Remus off on his bed and hissing that he had to be quiet or he’d wake the others, Sirius walked over to his wardrobe, changing into sleep clothes.

When he finished, he looked up to find Remus still sitting on the edge of his bed, struggling to untie his shoelaces.

Sirius crossed the room and knelt down in front of him.

“Here,” he said quietly. Remus fell still, allowing him to untie the knots. Once his shoes were off, he dug through Remus’s drawers to find something for him to wear. Satisfied with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, he handed them to the other boy.

“Thanks,” Remus mumbled, still looking a bit lost.

Sirius nodded and headed back to his bed, climbing under the covers. He rolled over just as Remus finished putting on his sweatpants

They were too big on him, and he had to keep the string tied tight just so they’d stay up. A smaller size would be too short on him, which was why his clothes always looked so baggy.

Sirius wondered if he had an ounce of fat on him-- every part of him seemed to be made of bone and muscle. A side effect, he supposed, of having his entire body ripped apart and put back together each month.

As Remus reached up to pull off his shirt, Sirius could see the planes of his abdomen constrict and retract, rippling like waves on water. In the moonlight, the scars that criss-crossed his chest shimmered. He’d become even more defined since last year, slim muscle now cording down his arms and chest, all the way down to the skin that disappeared beneath his waistband. His pants hung low on his hips, revealing the soft v-shape of his navel.

Something stirred in Sirius’s chest.

_Oh god._

What was wrong with him? This was nothing out of the ordinary. He saw Remus practically naked after every full moon. Why was this any different?

Sirius stared up at the canopy of his four-poster, willing his mind to be quiet.

For the remainder of the evening, after James had interrupted their conversation, Sirius had been replaying Remus’s words in his head, over and over.

_Because I’m not._

But why wasn’t he interested in the other girls? It could really mean anything, but Sirius couldn’t deny what he _wanted_ it to mean, especially as his state of intoxication had increased and all of those thoughts that he usually kept buried had drifted towards the surface.

That, coupled with the fact that he’d been _noticing_ things as he watched him from his spot on the couch-- Remus’s jawline, his collarbone, his hands, with those golden rings…

Oh, Sirius _knew_ what it meant. It was just easier to ignore it.

Just as he would now.

He rolled back over to find that Remus was finally in bed.

The feeling in his chest dissipated as he made a quiet promise to himself.

“Night, Moony,” he said, but Remus was already asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if I should continue this/ make it into a longer fic. I've been wanting to write a long-haul marauders story forever but I can't find the MOTIVATION... so many ideas though:) Drop anything you'd want to see in the comments. Thanks, Anna.


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